My guest this week was Ashley Manta, a certified sexologist and relationship coach. She works with high achieving women and with couples. Here focus is on pleasure, connection, honesty, and the habits that keep those things from drying out.
She says we have to start with stress. If you run a company or live inside one, you know the drill. You carry the day in your jaw, in your shoulders, in your gut. You tell yourself the strain is a tax for the life you chose. Then the bill shows up at home. You argue more. You touch less. You feel alone in a crowded room.
Ashley’s first instruction is not soft. Breathe, then unclench your pelvic floor aka your asshole. On the exhale, let everything loosen. Jaw, hips, the place you never notice until someone reminds you it exists. The body follows the mind, the mind follows the body. If you can learn to relax on purpose, even for a moment, you can find your footing again.
From there, she asks basic questions. Where do you feel pressure in your body? What happens when you are alone? Are you checking out on a screen, or can you be present for yourself? With a partner, are you actually there, or are you mentally triaging tomorrow’s tasks while you go through the motions? Presence is not a poster on a wall. It is a skill, and you can practice it.
The next step is time. Most of us rush intimacy the way we rush email. We try to beat the clock. Ten minutes, quick kiss, lights out, then wonder why it all feels thin. Slow down. Breathe together. Make eye contact. Ask your body simple questions. Can you feel your right hand. Your left foot. Can you notice your partner’s breath without racing ahead to a finish line. If you treat your bedroom like a sprint, you will get sprint results. Slow work pays.
Many couples call their relationship sexless. That word hides more than it reveals. What do you mean when you say you want sex? Do you want pleasure? Do you want to feel wanted? Do you want a break from worry? Do you want a sense of control for a change? Those are concrete needs. You can meet them in many ways. Kissing. Touch. Time together without a screen in sight. Articulate the need, then design the time.
Pain and disconnection are real for many women. Ashley talked about plant medicine and the bedroom, not as a cure all, as a set of tools. Some people do not want pills. Some want options that work with their bodies. Be cautious, be informed, talk to real clinicians, then test what helps. The point is agency. Do not outsource your body.
We touched the culture too. The grind has become a religion in some rooms. Wear the hours like rank. Build a wall between the self at the office and the self who wants to be known. In other rooms, there is bitterness, the online stew that curdles into contempt. If you are marinating in that mess at three in the morning, there is work to do before you date anyone. If you are simply lost in your calendar, the fix is harder than a quote on a fridge, and still simple. Set boundaries. Delegate. Hire someone to take a shift so you can be a person, not a dashboard.
Screens numb. Bodies need air and motion. Touch a tree. Touch water. Lift something heavy and set it down. Watch a sunset without filming it. This is not a lifestyle trend. It is maintenance. When you remember you are alive, you become easier to be with. You are kinder to yourself. You are more open to other people.
Ashley runs retreats, workshops, and private coaching. She keeps a Substack where the theme is joy. She travels, a lot. She meets people where they are, online and off. Her end state is clear. A world with more pleasure. Not a cheap slogan. A society where adults feel safe in their bodies, where couples choose each other on purpose, where the half smile on a city street is not rare.
I like the plain frame she uses. Pleasure is not a luxury. It is a sign of health. Connection is not a trend. It is an anchor. Sex is not a scoreboard. It is a language. Learn to speak it with care.
We keep the show focused on success and failure. Here is the hard truth. If you succeed at work and fail at home, you did not win. You traded one kind of hunger for another. The fix starts with a breath. Relax the muscles you forgot you have. Slow down. Ask for what you want. Give what you can. Put the phone away.
Until next week.
